Balanced Priorities: Martha and Mary

PROP: a board balanced on top of a can (on its side), with two identical boxes on the ends, with labels on the boxes that say MARTHA, MARY.

While Barbie and I were in California last week, we visited Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. It’s a several block long area filled with great restaurants, junky toys, some great shops, and a carnival atmosphere. This atmosphere is enhanced by the presence of people doing amazing things on the sidewalk in hopes that you’ll throw some money in their hat. One of the acts we passed was a guy balancing on a board on top of a cylinder of some sort, and juggling large knives. You have to picture how unstable his footing was: a board placed on top of a can, and he’s got one foot on each end of the board, wobbling back and forth so as not to let either end touch the ground. And juggling knives the size of machetes. Amazing.

It made me think of the balancing and juggling act that many of us go through in life, as we try to balance all the different demands on our time and juggle the many different responsibilities we have. I’m particularly impressed with the young moms I know who manage to be household manager, transportation engineer, keeper of the family calendar, perhaps hold a part time or full time job, be a nurse when the kids get hurt, be a leader in some ministry or volunteer activity in the community, be a confidant to her girlfriends, and be a lover to her husband. These roles seem so contradictory and mutually exclusive, but I know many women who manage to pull it all off. And of course, you men are no less busy with your work and family responsibilities.

We face this same sort of balancing and juggling challenge when it comes to our spiritual life. The Mission Statement of Faith Church says that as a church and as individuals, we want to be balanced and growing in the Three Priorities. Those priorities are summarized in a shorthand way on our banner, and on our bulletin, as Exalt the Son, Edify the Body, and Evangelize the World. Basically, these are the three main relationships God calls us to: our relationship with Himself, our relationship with all other Christians, starting with our own family, and our relationships with people who do not yet know Christ’s love.

Our Mission Statement says we intend to be balanced and growing in these three relational priorities. That is to say, we want to be growing in each of them all the time, because we never get to the place where we can say, “OK, I’m as close to God as I need to be; now I’ll work on something else.” Or, “I think I’m completely fulfilling all the biblical commands having to do with my relationships with other believers, so I don’t have to work on that any more.” We want to be growing in each priority all the time.

And we want these three priorities to be relatively balanced with each other in our lives. That is to say, we don’t want to be really heavily involved in ministering to others in the Body, but not have a very strong personal relationship with Christ. Or, which is more likely, have a strong walk with Christ, and close friendships in the Body, but be weak in our love for our neighbors. The goal is to have all three in relative balance with each other, and be constantly growing in each one.

As we begin this new year of 2007, I thought it would be important for us to look again at these three priorities, to make sure we know where we are headed in the future. This is like spring training camp for baseball players: we go back to the basics every year, because these are the fundamentals on which everything else is built. If we don’t get these, we don’t get to first base.

But this year, I want to think with you about the balance that is necessary within each priority. Not only do we need our lives to be balanced between these three relationships, we also need to find the balance within each one. In Priority One, we need to find a balance between worship of the Lord and service for Him. In Priority Two, we need a balance between encouragement and accountability. And in Priority Three, we want to be balanced between reaching out across the street and across the sea.

So this morning, let’s look at what it means to be balanced within this first priority, our relationship with Christ. We begin with the classic passage on

Luke 10:38-42, “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. [39] She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. [40] But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

[41] ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, [42] but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Martha and Mary are obviously two very different personalities, and they represent to some degree, the poles of a spectrum between the activist and the pietist, between the campaigner and the contemplative. At one extreme of this spectrum we have the person who is trapped in the frantic rat race, crushed under the tyranny of the urgent; and at the other end is the person who is so heavenly minded they are no earthly good.

It seems pretty clear that the point of this passage in Luke is to emphasize the priority of piety, of quiet time spent with Jesus. Martha doesn’t get it; she is “distracted” by all the preparations that had to be made. She was intensely aware of everything that had to be done to serve Jesus and His disciples. She was worried and upset by the many tasks on her plate. It wasn’t just Jesus—there were 12 other men as well, and they all needed to eat! Plus deadbeat Mary, and their brother, Lazarus. That’s a lot of work for one person!

Her focus on the work seeped into her soul and poisoned her attitude. For one thing, she’s really irritated with her sister, Mary, for not helping. If you have ever been in a situation like that, you can relate to her: there you are, breaking your neck to get a meal ready for a bunch of people, and none of them are lifting a finger. Or you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off to get ready for some program at church, and all the others involved in it are just letting you do it. You may have encountered the same sort of thing at work, where the “team” seems very content to let you do most of the work, but your conscience won’t let you join them on the bench. Martha has probably already dropped enough hints to fill a truck, but Mary isn’t biting. She just sits there listening to Jesus teach Martha is pulling her hair out. Finally, she has had enough, and she interrupts Jesus to ask Him to tell Mary to help her.

But notice that her attitude toward Jesus is also tainted by her single-minded focus on the work: she blames Him for not caring about her. “Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?” If you cared, you would have already noticed that I’m doing all the work, and she’s just sitting there; so evidently you don’t care!

(Just parenthetically, let’s notice that this is the attitude that so often creeps into our hearts when things don’t go just the way we want. You husband keeps throwing his clothes on the floor even after you have nagged both him and God about it many times, so obviously, neither of them care about you. You suffer from chronic pain, and even though you have begged God to take it away, you still have it, so where is God in all that? He must not care. Your girlfriend dumps you, or the relationship you had hoped was going somewhere didn’t, so maybe God doesn’t care. I think we can all identify with Martha here, even as we recognize she is off base.)

What’s Mary doing all this time? She’s sitting at the Lord’s feet, listening to what He said. In our context, she’s having a Quiet Time. Her entire focus of attention is on Jesus. She has taken a physical position that recognizes His authority in her life (seated at His feet), and she is paying rapt attention to every word that comes from His mouth. It’s a time of sweet fellowship with Jesus, and she is very content to be there. She’s not hurried; she’s not distracted by all the work that has to be done. She’s focused on the Lord.

We can, and should, be like Mary: We can listen to His word primarily in the Bible, the written Word of God; we can ask Him to speak to our spirits as we wait before Him; we can get extended times away with Him where we are not distracted or rushed, but can reflect deeply, and talk over every aspect of our lives with Him. We come here to worship on Sunday, to focus on Him, and to hear what He has to say to us in His Word. When it comes to exalting the Son, few things exalt Him more than spending time with Him like this, and we need to do it regularly.

Jesus affirms Mary for what she’s doing. He rebukes Martha for being distracted, worried and upset at all the work that had to be done. He points out that really, only one thing is needed in an ultimate sense, and that is a relationship with Himself. Since Mary has chosen that, which is better than serving Him, He’s not about to take it away from her by making her get up and go to work in the kitchen.

There are many dimensions to our relationship with Christ, but the Scripture is clear that right at the center of it all is to be a relationship. You can’t have a meaningful relationship with someone you never talk to, listen to, or spend time with. Mary is the model for us here: we need to find time, even in the midst of a very busy life, with lots of things screaming at us for our attention, to develop a real relationship with Jesus.

Now if that’s the only Scripture you read, you would come away thinking maybe you should join a local monastery or convent. Maybe the monks and nuns who spend 8-10 hours a day in contemplation and prayer have got it right. Forget the world; retreat from all the craziness and busyness, and just spend time with Jesus. I have to tell you, that sort of appeals to me. I’m a Type B personality; I am not driven to accomplish more than any ten men; I am introspective, and find great refreshment from being alone with the Lord. But does this mean that I can neglect the work He calls me to? And where does this leave all you Type A’s? Does this mean you just need to give up on your plans to conquer the world and go hide in a cave with Jesus somewhere?

No, it really doesn’t. Because God calls us to a balance in our relationship with Him. We might be His sons and daughters first, but we are also His servants. We are not only to pray, but to serve; not just worship, but work. We need to divide our time between the den (where we have our quiet time) and the kitchen or workshop where we work for Him. Let’s look at what the Scripture has to say about that.

A little later in Luke’s gospel, there is another saying by Jesus that helps us balance what He said to Mary and Martha.

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? [8] Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? [9] Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? [10] So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "

This is so clear as to be somewhat offensive. It is an in-your-face assertion of the fact that He is the master, and we are the servants. As Jesus said in the upper room the last night of His life, John 13:13, "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am.” He is the Lord, the Master; we are His servants; and we should never expect rewards for doing whatever He tells us. That’s our duty. But when we realize that we have not done many of the things that He has commanded us to do, and have done many things poorly or wrongly in our service for Him, we should be grateful and happy just for the privilege of being allowed to serve Him.[1]

How and where and when do we serve Him? Is it just when we are doing some volunteer work in the church? Or when we are having neighbors over for a meal? Or leading a worship service at a nursing home or in the prison? Definitely not. God is certainly pleased with those efforts, but He wants us to see that everything in our lives can be service for Him. Col. 3:23-24, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, [24] since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Are you in school? Then your homework assignments are an assignment from the Lord. Are you a stay at home mom? Then your many responsibilities for the family are given you by the Lord. Are you an engineer, or a teacher, or a business owner? Then all the duties that come with that position are things you are ultimately doing for God. Are you a dad? a son? a daughter? a grandparent? a sister? All those family relationships and responsibilities are things God cares about, and He wants to see you live up to His standards in how you carry them out. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord. Because ultimately, it is the Lord Christ you are serving in all these different ways.

This same verse also tells us something about the quality of our work as we serve Christ in these different venues. We are to work at it “with all our heart”. Wholeheartedly. We’ve all seen the caricature of the person who simply goes through the motions, only doing the minimum required, no enthusiasm, no passion, simply not caring about the result. When I was in Moscow teaching at a Bible school some years ago, I was walking down the street one day, and happened to pass some workers who were scraping the paint off a building in preparation for repainting it. They worked like zombies, blankly staring at the wall, slowly scraping, not putting any effort into it at all, obviously not caring whether it got done that day or the next month.

The recent movie, Facing the Giants, has a good illustration of what it means to work at something with all our hearts. The high school football team coached by Grant Taylor is doing very poorly. There is a lot of division among the players, and they are just not giving it their best. After the coach has a revelation of what he needs to do, he gathers the boys on the practice field and has the strongest lineman get down on all fours (without his knees touching the ground) and blindfolds him. He puts another boy on his back, and then has the other one carry him down the field. Before he starts, he asks the boy how far he thinks he can go, and he says something like 40 yards. Then he starts, and the coach is encouraging and goading and pleading with him all the way. The boy wants to quit at many points, but the coach keeps him moving ahead. When the one on the bottom finally collapses in exhaustion, he has crawled the entire length of the field with another guy on his back. That, says the coach, is the level of effort and heart that he expects from every one of his players. That’s working “with all our heart”. That’s how hard we would work if we were working for Jesus Himself, which we are.

So right here, it might be good for each of us to do a little mental checklist of the ways we are serving God, and how well we are doing in each of those. Practically speaking, you cannot give 100% of your time and effort to every thing, because you still have to have something left for the many other responsibilities you carry. For example, I could always spend more hours on my sermon preparation. I never do the kind of thorough, exhaustive exegesis and word studies and textual criticism on every passage I preach on or refer to that I was taught to do in seminary. But at some point, I just have to say, OK, that has to be good enough, because I also have meetings to attend, a Bible study to prepare for, an article to write, a friend to counsel, a man to mentor, a sick person to visit, a wife to care for, kids to call, etc. etc.

But with that understanding that there has to be balance in our different responsibilities, how well are we doing each one? Is there one or two that we are significantly shirking? As the Lord Christ looks over our performance in service for Him in all these different areas of our life, what does He say? Are we giving each one the best we can, in light of everything else we have to do? Or are we dropping the ball on one or two because we don’t like them as much, or they are harder for us, or whatever? Take a minute and jot down on the outline your various responsibilities, the different ways you serve Christ, and then give yourself a letter grade or a number grade for how well you think you are doing at serving “wholeheartedly.”

Our first priority in life is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Within that relationship, we need to find a balance between the warm, emotional, relational side, where we spend lots of time sitting at His feet listening to His words, and the more demanding, performance oriented, service side where we do everything in life as though we were working for Him. Joanna Weaver has an excellent book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, in which she offers a checklist to help us determine if we are in fact balanced between these two aspects of our relationship with God. These are on your outline, so as I read each one, you might read along, and check the ones that seem to apply to you.

o resentment of intrusion. Rather than welcoming people into your life, you find yourself wishing they’d go away

o frustration over direction of life. You feel a sense of purposelessness, and sometimes wonder, “Is this all there is?”

o Increased self-indulgence. You feel an itch to treat yourself with favorite foods or shopping.

o apathetic attitude. You find that very little moves you. You know your compassion level is low, but part of you just doesn’t care.

o low energy level. Like the Dead Sea, you may have many inlets, but no outlets—and therefore you’re growing stagnant.

Signs that you may need more time in the living room/den (more prayer and worship):

o irritability and frustration. You find yourself snapping at people, wound so tight you’re about to snap yourself, and especially short-tempered with those you perceive as lazy or uncooperative.

o uncomfortable with quiet. Silence makes you nervous, so you’re quick to turn on the TV or radio.

o low joy threshold. It’s been a long time since you’ve sensed that undercurrent of joy and abundance running through your heart.

o a sense of isolation. You feel all alone—as if no one is there for you, and no one understands or cares.

o increased drivenness. You’re haunted by a sense that you must do more and more. You keep volunteering for more projects and more committees, even though you know your plate is full.

o sense of dryness and emptiness. No wonder! You have many outlets and demands, but no inlets or source of strength.

Where are you? Does this help you see your need for more balance on one side or the other? I think in my experience, things are pretty fluid. One day I’ll be heavy on one side of the balance beam, and a month later, I’ll be out of whack on the other side. But being conscious of the need for balance helps us make the adjustments needed to move toward equilibrium. Are you out of balance? What will you do to correct that?

[1] Norval Geldenhuys, Commentary on the Book of Luke, The New International Commentary on the New Testament (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans, n.d.), p.433.

[2] Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 2002), p.182f.